Katie,
I'M AN INDEPENDENT IN A MAGA HAT WITH RAINBOW SOCKS
1. A NASCAR race in WVa! Why the hell not?
2. Term Limits! Four terms in The House of Representatives (8 years) and two terms in The Senate (12 years). THAT'S ENOUGH! Move up or move down BUT GIT OUT.
3. Fortification of Abortion Rights!! Leave the girls alone, boys.
4. Fortification of the 2nd Amendment!! Leave the boys alone, girls. Those two make up THE GREAT TRADE between conservatives and liberals. One for the other. All's fair in LOVE and WAR.
5. Torch the US Code: that whole stadium worth of books of rules no one ever reads including my future colleagues who vote for them and which only help the rich and powerful. IT SHALL BURN LIKE THE LIBRARY OF ALEXANDRIA! 99.99% of the Federal Code I WILL REMOVE. Cancel the culture of red tape.
6. No New Federal Laws Over 2000 Words: The Constitution ITSELF is 2000 words SO THAT'S LONG ENOUGH FOR A LAW ABOUT A WILDLIFE SANCTUARY or healthcare or anything else. TAKE ALL THAT BULLSHIT OUT OF MY CAPITOL and stop cutting down so many trees to print it on. If a bill can't be read in the bathroom IT'S TOO FUCKIN' LONG.
7. No American Troops on the Ground in Any Other Country NO EXCEPTIONS! without A Declaration of War by Congress: What happens in Angola, Afghanistan, Argentina and Antigua AIN'T NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. Let them figure it out. If the Israeli's and the Palestinian's want to kill each other WE WILL LET THEM HAVE AT IT. THE US GOVERNMENT WILL NO LONGER CARE. The only exception IS TAIWAN. That China WILL NEVER GET (back) and let's give the Taiwanese THE BOMB (1000 of them ON THE BEST MISSILES WE GOT) to make sure. If the Chinese bitch about it WE CAN REMIND THEM THEY DELIBERATELY STARTED THE PANDEMIC. That'll shut them up. Speaking of that...
8. The Big Stick of the Navy: Nuclear Ballistic Missile Submarines (SSBNs) and Fast Attack Submarines (SSNs) ARE ALL WE NEED TO DEFEND THIS COUNTRY ABROAD and all we need to defend it here at home IS THE NATIONAL GUARD and the Air Force WHICH WON'T BE OVERFLYING SOVEREIGN COUNTRIES ANYMORE EITHER because the Age of American Police Imperialism WILL. STOP.
9. Transgenderism: A boy is a human with the penis they were born with. A girl is a human with the vagina they were born with. End of discussion.
10. Wyrd People (pronounced "veered" - Old English for FORTUNE and DESTINY): "Weird" people are people too and should be treated as a good neighbor whether they know what a girl and boy are or not.
11. Southern Black Lives Matter: They shall have their rational police reforms but shan't bother our Southern Heritage in return for the favor. BLACK AND WHITE POOR PEOPLE WILL FINALLY UNITE AGAINST THE MAN AND THROW HIM THE HELL OUT OF TOWN. All the lower, middle and lower upper classes will FIGHT TOGETHER FOR THEIR COMMON INTERESTS. The cops will turn off the violence and be respected again. They will SERVE AND PROTECT not ruin people's lives because they enjoy beating people up and playing Army Man on Main Street. No more licenses to kill for junior college graduates with less training than a hairdresser. No more tanks for the Bumblefuck Texas Police Department. People in prison WILL NO LONGER BE TREATED LIKE ANIMALS IN CAGES and most of them will be let out. MOST. More than half. At the very, very least. And, in exchange for all those presents Stonewall Jackson's statue in Clarksburg and STONE MOUNTAIN in Georgia and all the other monuments to the beginning of the 2nd American Revolution WILL STAY UP, and be defended by the patriots of the group Southern, Black Lives Matter. THAT'S THE SECOND GREAT TRADE.
12. Economic Isolationism: The RETURN OF AMERICAN INDUSTRIAL MIGHT! We build it, we buy it, here. And not "made in America". "Made in West Virginia". States shall have pride in themselves again and the power to back it up. All the jobs that went to China and Mexico and Ireland and India ARE COMING BACK. The only things we need to import are the natural resources we don't have. EVERYTHING ELSE WE OUGHTA BUILD OURSELVES. Self Reliance will return to the American character for good as our government endorses the idea. Self Reliance. Coming to a United STATE near you.
13. STATES RIGHTS! and the Supremacy of the 10th Amendment FOREVERMORE: "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people." The Supreme Court will respect that Amendment AND OVERRULE all the rulings made after the Civil War that are contrary to it. The FEDERALISM BALANCE will SWING BACK to where the founders set it. "The United States ARE." Not "the United States is". ALSO the 13th Amendment needs to be fixed. It says "Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction." "EXCEPT AS A PUNISHMENT FOR A CRIME" - that's a loophole that Lincoln left in to ensure "the negroes could be controlled". It's racist and anti-American. Contrary to the Declaration of Independence and IT'S GETTING FIXED.
14. Let's Build MUSCLE CARS! again: Brand new - the great cars will be built for purchase en mass per demand. The 1966 Shelby Cobra and the 1930 Model A - two examples of what I want YOU! to be able to buy in a dealer showroom or direct off the Internet. SO I WILL BE REMOVING THE AUTOMOBILE REGULATIONS to allow that. To allow copies of the great old, simple to fix, computer chipless designs to be made. Cars, trucks, boats, tractors, motorcycles, gas cans that work, and airplanes! HOW ABOUT A BRAND NEW CURTIS JENNY for every American to fly! I ain't kidding IF THE SAFETY REGULATIONS ARE TRASHED WE CAN BUILD ALMOST ANYTHING and cheap as hell. Think about how complicated a 1930 Model A is and how much it might cost to build one. About as much as a golf cart that'll get you to the next state. MOST IMPORTANTLY I want you to be able to walk into the "Barrett-Jackson auction floor" at your local Ford, Chevy or Dodge Dealership and buy WHATEVER CAR YOU WANT FROM WHATEVER YEAR YOU WANT at a price the homeless can almost afford.
15. Put the homeless and homeless drug addicts in jail BUT GIVE THEM A KEY: FREE HOUSING for ALL destitute AMERICAN CITIZENS paid for BY THE BILLIONAIRES. Jeff Bezos. Warren Buffett. Bill Gates. The Walton Family. Mark Cuban. Donald Trump. George Soros. THEY ALL WILL PAY! There will finally be A REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH IN AMERICA and if you call me a communist I WILL TELL YOU TO "SUCK MY KINGFISH". Huey Long (The Kingfish) was no communist AND HUEY MADE THE SUPER RICH PAY during the Great Depression in Louisiana AND THAT WILL BE REPEATED NATIONWIDE by me. There will be a redistribution of wealth from the very top to the rest of us. The 1% of the 1% will trickle down starting immediately EVERYTHING THEY'VE HOARDED to the 99.99% of us who have let them all this time OR THEY WILL BE HUNTED DOWN AND KILLED. BY SOMEONE I'LL CHEER ON AFTER THEY KILL THEM. I'll be General Robin Hood and send my boys and girls out to collect from the Sheriffs of Nottingham FOR ALL OF US. And by threatening that I won't have to.
16. NO. TAXES: Read my words AND HEAR IT FROM MY LIPS no taxes ON ANYONE WITH LESS THAN 1 BILLION DOLLARS. And 100% taxes on those with more than a billion dollars. SOUNDS GOOD DON'T IT? That's what I was saying in the last one.
17. Federal Legalization of Marijuana NOW! and all drugs as soon as I can convince the average American that's the better way: In general NO LAW OUGHTA DICTATE WHAT YOU CAN DO TO YOURSELF. Libertarian Pure. No more "Nanny State". Don't wanna wear a seatbelt? FINE! No helmet? GREAT! have fun. I WILL GET GOVERNMENT OUT OF MY FUCKING BUSINESS AND YOURS TOO.
18. Free Public Everything paid for by the Billionaires as already described: THE WEALTH IS HERE. It needs spread around a little better. I DON'T WANNA HEAR AN ARGUMENT ABOUT THIS ONE UNLESS YOU HAVE MORE THAN A BILLION DOLLARS because why should you care? GREED IS GOOD. Be as selfish as you can be. Until, you've got more than seven cars, at each of your seven houses, with four corporate jets and three Titanic yachts to get you to each of them. THEN YOU'VE GOT ENOUGH. Ted Turner OWNS ONE MILLION ACRES. That's a bit much. The Homestead Act needs reignited with some fresh farmland. I know where we can find it. It's in the hands of Billionaires and the Federal Government. IF YOU WANT 100 ACRES AND A MULE or wild horses I'LL GET THEM FOR YOU SOMEWHERE YOU CAN PICK. National parks and a family ranch are one thing. National theft from us the citizens is another.
19. No more immigration: Zero. None. And to hell with a wall. Both borders will be patrolled by WWII era Fighter Planes. P-38 Lightnings and P-51 Mustangs flown by volunteers to the greatly expanded Air National Guard. I don't care why someone wants to come to America. OF COURSE THEY'VE GOT A GOOD REASON. The problem is FOUR BILLION PEOPLE at least have a good reason to want to live here. So either we unfairly let in some THAT WE DON'T NEED AT ALL and cruelly refuse others or we say "NO" to them all. NO. MORE. TRAFFIC. NO MORE PEOPLE. We have enough here says this grandson of Jewish refugees I DON'T CARE. THIS LAND IS MY LAND AND THIS LAND IS YOUR LAND AND IF WE WANT TO KEEP MOTHER FUCKERS OFF OF IT WE WILL DO A BETTER JOB THAN THE INDIANS who unfortunately are still fucked over AND THAT'S GONNA BE FIXED. The descendents of slaves don't deserve reparations because they've been free for 156 years but Native Americans on reservations might as well be stripped of their citizenship for all the good it does them. If Indian reservations want to become truly sovereign mini-countries or one united one or a brand new state made up of "reservation counties" all across the country THEY SHOULD BE GIVEN THAT OPPORTUNITY. At the very least every Indian should be offered SOME NICE LAND to live on. The choicest pieces of Ted Turner's million acres up for grabs in the Homestead Act of 2023 will go to the Indians says this Cowboy.
20. RETURN! THE!! ENVIRONMENT!!! to the year EIGHTEEN HUNDRED AND SIXTY SEVEN: 1867. I want 1867 air. 1867 water. 1867 earth. Wild and Wonderful across the country. And somehow without stepping on the RIGHT OF PROPERTY which is sacred. Details forthcoming. Objective clear. CLEAN UP THE GODDAMN MESS WE'VE MADE TO THE EARTH AND DON'T DO IT AGAIN.
21. THE DETAILS: A tremendous reduction of national consumption. CONSUMER SPENDING NEEDS TO GO DOWN! not up. WE DON'T NEED TO MAKE HALF THIS SHIT. When the storage unit industry cools off we're on the right track.
22. Get the goddamn TRUCKS! off the ROADS! and BACK ON THE RAILS: We don't need a passenger railway system AT ALL but we damn sure need AN INDUSTRIAL AND COMMERCIAL ONE. I want the tracks RELAID three wide all across the south rather than build one more mile of highway. GIVE THE TRUCK DRIVERS a railroad pocket watch as they climb aboard. Things can be delivered to regional depots like Clarksburg, Parkersburg, Wheeling, Morgantown, Fairmont etc. THE COUNTY SEAT GETS A TRAIN STATION for ALL THE STUFF WE NEED and local trucks can take it from there. Every road becomes a racetrack for your new 1968 Bullitt Mustang when the 18 wheelers are on the rails.
23. A Return! of. The Trades. To national and social prominence: Apprenticeships rather than college. TEACH PEOPLE TO DO USEFUL THINGS rather than how to get "certificates of authenticity" which is all a diploma is.
24. A HANDSHAKE is better than A CONTRACT: Business by Trust rather than by Lawyers. The honor of a word of honor needs to make a comeback and I will set the example.
25. Tremendous Transparency: Audio and video cameras with an always public online simulcast and cloud preservation of ALL PUBLIC DUTIES BY ALL PUBLIC EMPLOYEES at all times except in the bathroom. FACES BLURRED (pixelated) and voices altered for privacy. The point being WE NEED TO KNOW WHAT THESE PEOPLE ARE DOING WITH THEIR HANDS ON THE LEVERS OF POWER. Especially my fellow Congressman and Senators and the President ALL BUSINESS BY US and them SHOULD NOT BE PRIVATE! but be watchable and listen-to-able at all times by anyone from anywhere. The GRAFT and CORRUPTION will vanish! like a ghost that was never real as I CHASE IT OUT OF THE BUILDING AT THE POINT OF MY SABER. Rape. I said RAPE is still A DEATH STAR SIZE PROBLEM IN THE MILITARY. Girls especially do not feel safe and can do little to protect themselves and less to get revenge and/or closure. IF THERE WERE CAMERAS AND MICROPHONES IN EVERY CLOSET, CUBBY HOLE, SUPPLY ROOM, HALLWAY AND MESS and throughout every other inch of bases that we'll in other ways improve, rape wouldn't be able to happen without immediate punishment to the offender BECAUSE THE PUBLIC CAN WATCH THE CAMERAS LIVE ONLINE and call for help, or the victim could use it for immediate justice! I will protect servicewomen and men from abuse by their superiors in all forms, especially sexual, using technology exactly as described.
26. The Harry S. Truman Show: a reality show of how Congress DOESN'T work but will, soon after I start filming their ass. In their office and tearing after them down the hallway DEMANDING TO KNOW WHY THEY ONLY CARE ABOUT THEIR DONORS!
27. Take the military budget down 90%: As I previously described I want to see that money and personnel transferred to the new federal Department of Engineering. THE DEPARTMENT OF ENGINEERING.
28. THE DEMOLITION OF MOST OF THE OTHER FEDERAL DEPARTMENTS: The cabinet departments, all gone but State, War (not Defense), Treasury and Justice - all George Washington needed - and the new one, Engineering. All those employees from the deleted departments to be transferred to the Department of Engineering 'cause it's gonna need man and woman power to get the jobs done RIGHT THE HELL NOW. NO MORE DELAYS! NOW! TODAY! Immediately get a move on I SAID NOW! Better pay too. Overly generous. Shorter hours. More power to make decisions. A self made union.
29. All existing national infrastructure FIXED to last FOR 100 YEARS: But NO NEW infrastructure except the rail system and lots of local, grass, airports for the Curtis Jenny you bought for $10,000 and learned to fly without the FAA's help. We have enough roads! They only need to be repaired. NOW! Like Patton trying to bridge a river, these tasks will not take forever. Work will start to-day! and continue 24 hours in four shifts a day until it's done. Things will be built and maintained like the Panama Canal and The Empire State Building. The best we can do as fast as we can will replace OSHA. The Life of Common Sense again.
30. A Great National Agenda and Spirit: Going to the moon all over again except something else. "It will be done during the term of office of some of the people who sit here on this platform... It will be done. And it will be done before the end of this decade. -JFK" That kind of attitude about AMBITIOUS NATIONAL PROJECTS. The energy and enthusiasm to win World War II reborn for peacetime.
THESE ARE MY IDEAS. I am Alexander Weinstein, a Republican-independent for Congress for the 1st District of WVa in 2022. Thank you for agreeing or shutting up. Just kidding. But I really don't want to hear another mother fucker tell me all that can't be done BECAUSE IF I WIN I'LL HAVE SO MUCH POWER.
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